hldj.org

1) Does HLDJ launch the game correctly for you?
Yes.

2) Does "HLDJ Loaded Successfully" appear in console on starting the game (with no errors)?
Yes.

3) What is the console output after selecting a song, or issuing other HLDJ commands such as "hldj_next"?
The console works fine, all commands work fine.

4) After loading one of the sample audio files, perform a search of your Steam directory (without stopping HLDJ) for the file "voice_input.wav" - does it show up, and if so, where?
Yes, everything loads fine.

5) Does voice normally work for you? If not, or you do not have a mic, have you remembered to set up any applicable options in your operating system and/or the game? *
Voice works normally, my computer has a built-in mic.

So yeah, as soon as I hit my "Play Audio" button, the game stutters and crashes and I have to CTRL+ALT+DEL and end the process. I even removed all but 1 song to remove any audio files that may be messing it up.

Verify the song is converted correctly (use the sample audio or built-in converter). It could be a problem with your multicore CPU/drivers, check the sticky for potential solutions; you can also try re-installing the game.

I just tried the sample files and it did the same thing. I had to restart my computer.

I asked which sticky had the "multicore CPU/drivers" problem, but then I found it. I'll update on if it helps.

Well, I followed the link to this site: http://hardforum.com/showthread.php?t=983781.

I was disappointed to find that the "AMD Dual Core Optimizer" could not be found. Any links to amd.com redirected to the homepage, and the search engine was nigh unusable. This led me to believe the Optimizer and Driver were either removed or very well-hidden, and it effectively ruled out options 1 and 2. Option 3 only worked for Windows XP, and Option 5 involved buying new drivers. This left option 4, setting the affinity manually. I did as they said, using CTRL-ALT-DEL to change it by unchecking CPU 1. When I loaded a map of the game the game was incredibly laggy. I knew it was doomed from the start, but I did it anyway. I typed in "la", pressed "3" to pick my song, and...

It crashed again and I had to restart my computer. Again.

Since I've restarted my computer thrice this week because of HLDJ and twice for other reasons, I refuse to try again until I get concrete reason to believe that it will work.

My computer is a Sony Vaio, the OS is Windows 7, 64-bit, 3.00GB ram, processor is AMD Athlon(tm) II P340 Dual-Core Processor, if any of that helps at all.

If it helps, it might just be that my computer can't handle it. The "startmovie NAME avi" command for recording over demos crashes the game as well, so it might just not be able to do things like HLDJ and recording movies.

To be clear, HLDJ is running properly. Something is mis-configured with your system/drivers that prevents it from running the game properly.
If you didn't find a link to the "fix" then it's likely AMD already incorporated it into their latest drivers, so update them.